What's his face

Yesterdays agenda:
7:30-4:00 – Work
6:00-6:45 – Zumba
7:00-8:00 – Kickball Game
8:30-10:00 – Corner Pub

Yesterday was a pretty busy day. Zumba, my new found favorite form of exercising, was a blast! So glad that workout has been added to my routine. Kickball though, while I have fun playing, I just suck at. I am aware of my lack of athletic ability. I dropped a ball last night (Ball approaching catch, I close my eyes, the ball bounced off my chest… yes I suck that much!) and still haven’t managed to make it on base yet after 4 games. Bummer… I think I should win the prize at the end of the season for LVP… Least Valuable player haha. But it is a co-ed kickball team so its all for fun right? So I will keep going, and keep trying. Unfortunately we lost… again, but the fun and socializing with the team at Corner Pub afterwards made up for our failure.

Besides being pretty busy yesterday, I also had some weird things going on in my mind. My mom told me yesterday on our daily chat that my ex boyfriend, (we will call him “what’s his face” cause I use that for all men I don’t think their names deserve the honor of coming out of my mouth anymore.) asked for my address. I wont go into all the details that back up this breakup but if you want a bit more information refer to the post I wrote in September on Faith. Anyways, What’s His Face lives back in KY where my family lives and he works at a bank across the street from my mom’s office. He comes in from time to time and everyone in my mom’s office knows the whole story. So apparently with What’s His Face’s inquiry left my mom’s office with the topic of will Christy and What’s his face ever get back together. My mom being on my side said, no I think those ships have sailed, but everyone else in the office was pushing the fact that they thought I should forgive him, give him a second chance. Honestly, I think it is funny after so long (we broke up the end of Sept 05, he got divorced and made an appearance back in my life May of 2008) that people are still talking about it.

I wont lie, this is a question that haunts my thoughts a lot. I wonder if I could ever forgive him. He has already apologized: Wrote me this long letter of apology, taken me out to a nice restaurant, sent me a huge bouquet of flowers at work, bought me tickets to a titans game, asked over and over to come to Nashville to go out with me…. He honestly couldn’t have done much more. I just couldn’t do it. I could hardly even look at him in the face. I was scared to feel. How do you feel again after you have mourned their loss, their disappearance…. He came back from the dead and it was just something really hard for me to adjust to. Anyway, this past new years I told him I didn’t want to date, I had no intentions of getting get back together with him but I was fine being his friend (honestly I didn’t and don’t know if I am actually even comfortable being his friend either because I am scared.) So we basically stopped all real communication at that point (except for facebook, random email forwards, and the occasional text. He even sent me a birthday card. It was the only card I got on the day of my birthday and actually the only bday card I got from any of my guy friends).

In my head, I had won this time. I loved him chasing after me. I loved knowing he was thinking about me when he couldn’t have me anymore. I loved that I made him feel sad. If I didn’t let him in, he couldn’t hurt me anymore, and wouldn’t have the opportunity to hurt me again….

We have both changed a lot. Too much time has passed and too many things have happened to both of us for us not to have changed. Have we changed so much we actually wouldn’t love each other again if we had the opportunity? I guess we will only know if I open my mind to it, but can I? Am I over it or am I just avoiding it?

Why did he want my new address?! Only time will tell I guess.