When trying to find love I think it is important to understand not only what you want in someone but also what you offer... Thinking in those terms it has got me thinking and I have put into words my thought....
I am highly interdependent in relationships. I desire a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. I am attracted quickly to someone who I can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for me to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on my family and friends. All of this does not mean that I don’t need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, I draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. I like to know about virtually all aspects of my partner’s life. Thus, when I feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who I am on the inside and outside.
I am clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy and long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. I also tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing my partner returns my feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering myself to a partner. In fact, I probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between me and a partner. Likewise, I want to regard a partner as my best friend and my foremost confidant. I want no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. I try to have realistic expectations for a committed relationship, however, I always tend to find myself wondering whether my partner’s feelings are equally as strong as mine. Somehow I always find myself taking risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels.
I believe I have a good level of self-esteem, sense of self, a sense of accomplishment and high self-efficacy (self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation). I am acutely aware – but accepting – of my strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, I feel that people who are important in my life understand me and I want them too. Family is extremely important to me, but I tend to have my own well-defined ambitions. I have a strong sense of control over my life and are decisive in managing it.
I believe I have a good foundation and am ready and willing to find a committed relationship. I do not have financial or legal baggage and have minimal emotional, health or family issues. I am not seeing a seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in my life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed me. Rather, I strive for a balance in my life and that now includes wanting to offer everything I can to a partner.
I believe I am an effective communicator with the necessary foundation for strong emotional intelligence. I enjoy learning opportunities and most challenges and I am not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. While I don’t always enjoy showing this level of vulnerability to others, it makes me sensitive to and accepting of other people’s expressions of vulnerability. For example, I can likely sense when someone feels troubled before being told. However, my sensitivity has limits. I am not necessarily comfortable or patient with all expressions of emotion and I am not keenly aware of all of the types of nonverbal signs that people send out or always cognizant of how my behavior impacts others.
I am very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that I settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. I do not try to avoid conflict; instead I evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage others to work on a positive outcome for the relationship.
I consider myself a hopeless romantic with a touch of realist, meaning I value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for me a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. I desire someone who is on the same wavelength as me –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize my partner constantly.
There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. To me actions speak louder than words and I enjoy affection through actions or tangible things.
Bottom line: I need someone who responds to the fact that I enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that we do not lose our identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of my loyalty and affection. I need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as I do. I need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like me, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person. I need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled. I need someone who seeks to understand me, thereby accepting an equal share of responsibility in maintaining open and honest communication in the relationship. I need someone who will join me in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements. I need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in me but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels. I need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show he remembers and celebrates special occasion.
from my sister and her family to later do some celebrating at the casino with my family. Couldn't end the day withoute one of my mother's infamous cakes! Mmmmm makes me hungry just thinking about it! LOL
Friday night we hit up a place called Tabu where we were greeted with refreshments, a pair of stripper tall shoes and a room full of poles for our pole dancing pleasure! Can we say pole dancing is hard!? I have a new found respect for strippers. I have never been to a stripe club but holy moly it takes some mighty strength to pull off those skills!
