Okay, warning this is a debbie downer post. I am going to let out a little man hate, 1 post and I am done. LOL I love the holidays, I really do, but for some reason something about the holidays this year seemed to be a constant reminder of how single I tend to feel these days. I happily skipped out on my company Christmas party knowing that almost everyone, if not all, would bring a date except for me. I listened to talk about what relatives and friends were going to give and hopefully receive from their significant other for Christmas knowing I had no one special to buy for and definitely didn't have anyone racking their brain about what would be the perfect gift for me. I did go to a different company Christmas party... I was told two days before there were 41 people who RSVPed.... I cringed at the thought I might be the only "1" rsvp causing it to make an odd number at the party. I dreaded new years and the strike of midnight and being all alone. But all of those thoughts were usually fleeting thoughts in my head until this past week. I would have a moment of selfishness of poor me, I'm single, nobody loves me thoughts and then catch myself back into logic. But this past week, putting those crazy thoughts to bed have been really hard.
Christmas day I got a call from someone I used to date asking me to give him another shot. I decided why not, we scheduled a date for Monday night. He stood me up..... Then Tuesday I received an email from a guy I dated last year, telling me he was dating someone new and he couldn't' wait to spend new years with her, yada yada (Even though it has been almost a year, all i kept thinking was how he refused to hang with me last new years....kinda was just like a jab to my heart). Today he posted he was "in a relationship" with her on facebook after dating for a mere few weeks. ARE WE KIDDING? I spent a year with the dude and he must have had a major change of heart because until i saw that on facebook, i thought he didn't believe in "titles" or relationships! Then my most recent of crushes, the boy i only met once to be followed up with hours talking over the phone came for new years and told me the most overused phrase of the century, "we are just friends" and then kissed one of my friends at midnight. All such minimal things added up to a week of frustration for me.
I know it has been my fault, but this past week, loneliness has been my closest friend. I know these boys weren't right for me, everything happens for a reason, I am just going through a bad year with men....It's sad to think that many times we tie our sense of self worth to others' acceptance.... but something about rejection never ever feels good. Why, when it comes to matters of the heart, does logic get pushed to the wayside. My head tells me one thing and my heart tells me something different. You would think after 24 years of rejection I would eventually become numb to its aftermath, but for some reason it never gets easier, you never get used to it.
It's kind of interesting to think that sadness caused from love is compared to actual words that describe pain. Heart ache, the pain of a broken heart, hurt feelings... because while the pain isn't tangible or visible, emotional pain is still pain, whether it is rejection, a loss of a loved one, or harsh words... It can physically hurt and can't be fixed with a band aid or taking an Advil.
The fact of the matter is that the pain caused by rejection is a normal part of life. It is as unavoidable as your heart beating. But we all have a choice when it comes to dealing with rejection. We can run from it and live in denial, or we can accept the sheer fact that (Christy getting rejected all the time... that was me making a joke, didn't you laugh) is normal. Even though it sucks, rejection gives us an opportunity to hopefully grow and learn. I know I said I was only going to let out one man hate post but, but I am sure I will rant about rejection again because even though it hurts and i hate it, to not risk rejection would not be living life. The truth is not everyone can be with everyone and that even though I may not be desired right now doesn't make me undesirable. That is the lesson I need to learn from this week.
Anyways, that is all I got for now, and I actually feel much better. And while I am dealing with rejection now, I know that it only take 1 person to turn my situation around. Apparently I just have to get through a lot of frogs before I can find and truly appreciate my future prince. :o)
No comments:
Post a Comment