Replaceable

Written: June 16th 2008
Things to ponder…Topic of today Replaceable

Have you ever thought about what your life would be like with or without someone in your life. I mean there are those people you can’t ever imagine your life without like your family, or that goofy great cousin that makes all holidays and celebrations bearable but what about those people that aren’t part of your life permanently. You go through life starting out young not knowing any better about who your friends are and slowly weed out the good, bad and ugly as we get older. You slowly get to the point where you know tons of people but only really have a couple close friends. You have those people that were your high school and your college friends but what about those few that slip-in in between. The ones that pass your time. The ones we don’t give a second thought about after they are gone. I guess you could say “out of sight, out of mind”.

We think about these people but we never really put it into reference for ourselves because we want to feel important and admitting that someone is just using you for a temporary fix for loneliness or whatever just hurts the ego a little bit. Okay I know I got you thinking back a little bit. I mean honestly there are tons of them when we sit down and think about it.

What about that guy or girl you dated for three weeks and then gave them lets just be friends talk. Ex-coworkers you used to have lunches with and happy hour after work on days that just really blew. Or those friends you just hung out with--someone to go dancing with, golf buddies or just someone that was like you that needed someone.

But then at one point one of you didn’t need the other and then POOF! Your relationship is terminated for no real good reason. Neither are terribly upset because it is almost like it was understood that the proverbial high you were getting from each other was just a rush, not a permanent fix. Just onto the next victim, the next fix for your needs.

But as in every relationship someone means more to the other. There is always that person that always cares more versus the infamous selfish one. I will admit, I have walked across(not burned) lots of bridges in my day. I have taken lots of people for granted and just think about it as a stepping stone to becoming the ultimate “me”. At that point in time that friend served a vital part in my life and I move on when my situation changed.

Okay, if you have made it this far in my post you may be asking what the heck is the point of this redundant post. Okay so I will spill, let you into the inner working personal issues of what I like to call me. So I met this guy about 5 months ago. We really hit it off, it was just one of those times when you are just lonely and crave the attention of a friend. We were both pretty new to the city we live in and were exactly the fix we needed to put a smile on our faces. Date night had a new meaning again. But it was nothing serious and we both knew that. He said he wouldn’t commit cause he was planning on moving in May or September and he understood if we just wanted to be friends. Well, being the hopeless romantic I am I thought why not just live in the present and see where it leads. Who knows maybe he will change his mind. Maybe I wont just be a girl he met one day back in 2008, maybe I will be that girl that made his 2008…..Plus I didn’t think he was really going to move and I decided to keep him around anyways. Okay 3 months have passed since then, and finally the topic came up….Why haven’t you been dating around? You are too good of a girl to be single. Is it me that is holding you back? I think we should just be friends for a while. Yada yada yada…Then it don’ed on me…I have let someone use me as a passerby. Here I am, I’m that girl, that girl that is gunna crash after the high….it just ran over my brain how I hadn’t affected his life at all. I hadn’t met any of his friends, been to his apartment, I haven’t seen any of his pictures from his fraternity parties or his 10th bday party and he had been fully immersed in my world for almost half year….At that moment in time I realized I was replaceable to this person, no one would know to ask, where is she, what happened with that relationship. I was or I guess am invisible to his world. While he may cherish my friendship to a certain extent, as soon as I move on he will be gone. I will just be that “good” girl he hung out with when he lived in that city. He doesn’t even have a picture of me. I’ll literally just be a memory of a time and place. But its okay because I think even though we are still going to hang out and see what happens I know he will think back and think, “yeah, she was cool” and I guess that will have to be enough because me clinging on isn’t part of the deal of those people you meet that are supposed to be temporary.

But it does leave me wanting more, I just wish I could hear those thoughts people are too scared to say out loud because I believe there is a time when someone becomes a memory and when someone becomes a dent in your soul, a mark on your life forever. How much can you say you contribute to those people you pass off, opposed to the people you move on from? Ponder that!