Give or Take?

Can people be broken down into two different categories: Givers or Takers?

We play different roles for different aspects of our life: Career, friendships, family and significant others. Give and take is part of any relationship. On one hand you are expected to give what you can in order to fulfill other's wants and needs and ideally you should receive the same in return. It should be a harmonious balance to maintain a healthy relationship with someone.

My logic is that most times a person will provide a combination of both traits but usually they will lean to one end of the spectrum. Unfortunately, there is no perfect equation of give and take that equals a perfect relationship or decides what works and doesn't. Every couple is different and what works for one may throw another couple off balance. What is most important is that the distribution works for both people in the relationship.

For me, I know I lean more toward the giver trait. Sometimes too giving unfortunately (but sometimes not enough). I like making people happy-plain and simple. But when I think about my past relationships I think I have figured out what works best for me because I have (some unfortunately) experienced people all extremes in this regard.

For most women, we have all dated that "nice" guy. He would do anything for us, give us the clothes off his back, the money from his wallet, he would shower you with compliments, act almost spineless to his own thoughts and emotions. He suffocated us with accommodation.

Then I have also dated the taker. As a giver, I had the hardest time understanding the rationale of a taker. I would start the relationship doing nice things for them, things I knew would make them happy. At first just knowing it made them happy was enough but eventually it became obvious they were not doing the same in return. I didn't understand why they still seemed not to care because to me caring meant reciprocating the acts of love I bestowed upon them. It was as if they got in the habit of expecting certain things of me but with the entitlement that they didn't have to do anything in return or even be gracious. It was like that behavior of 'I give, you take', had become the natural constitution of our relationship..... I ended up with frustration, resentment and anger for them by the end of those types of relationships.

But then I have been in relationships with people with similar dispositions as me. They believed in giving a little but also looking out for themselves. When both parties are aware that relationships take a compromise no one feels like they get the short end of the stick all the time. When both people in a relationship agree each of them both deserve just as much love, attention, and respect as their partner.

The process of giving and taking is different for every relationship. I pass onto you tonight to think about where you stand on the spectrum of giving or taking. I want to challenge you to flip your behaviours a little bit. Try to create a better balance.... If you are a taker, try giving back a little more. If you give too much, try flipping on the bitch switch occasionally (well don't necessarily be a bitch, just ask for what you want or need a little more LOL). It can never hurt trying to be more cognisant of other people's thoughts and emotions and how your actions affect them.

I read somewhere and have come to agree that giving, receiving and sacrificing are how our relationships are tested and hopefully grow.