Psych!

Have you ever just had one of those moments that for a brief period of time you can see a window into what could be your future? Last night I had one of those epiphanies. I pictured myself living in this big house with a big yard in the country with a couple kids running around. I could see Wedding Boy next to me, we were laughing, over flowing with happiness at our life and love for each other. In my head it all felt so simple and perfect.

These fantasy thoughts and day dreams are always what I have referred to as “Christy’s Crazy Thoughts”. Ideas that are fun to think about but never what I would ever call realisitic. It has been 6 months since I have seen wedding boy. At that time we both decided to take a step back from our feelings and what was going on but we have kept in contact. Our friendship has always been one of the strongest things about us. Even though we live 6 hours away both of us have known since we met that we could talk to each other about anything, could call the other and they would actually pick up, and we both know exactly what to say to put a smile on the other person’s face… But the truth is we are both scardy cats. We are both so independent and content with our current lives that the 6 hours distance between us has hovered like a tornado at all times stirring around emotions, thoughts, and wants pushing our potential right out of our minds.

BUT last night after a week of consistent text messaging and the occasional phone call I think it just hit Wedding boy. It started with a text saying you could convince me to go to Vegas and get married, which then lead to a phone conversation that left him saying, “why don’t we just do it?”… It was the closest thing to a marriage proposal I have ever experienced. He went on and said it was hard for him to put his emotions into words but he said he didn’t just date to date that he only considers relationships if he could see them as his wife and having his kids and that me and him just click. The physical and emotional chemistry is both there and he confessed how much he has thought about me over the last 6 months... He said he would be willing to just take the risk; go to Vegas and get married by Elvis. The scary part is I was feeling everything he was expressing too and if he had truly asked me to go, I would have actually thought about it. (cue Christy's Crazy Thoughts mentioned above! haha)

But, I’m just not spontaneous enough to make a life long decision so rashly and with someone I have spent so little one on one time with. When the crazy thoughts of Elvis finally passed and the normal talk of maybe we should just try to hang out again both our Crazy Thoughts burst. How do two busy people that live so far away from each other make this work? Should we actually try to give this a shot or are we crazy? Talk, talk talk… What to do, how do we truly feel, what is going on. Then it hit me, I will be headed close to his home town in a month for a wedding for one of his friends. I told him that is our perfect opportunity to see each other. He could be my date and we could just see what would happen and all he left me with was…. “But that day is the opening day for bow season in Mississippi.”

Some things never change. Today I wake up and push back all those emotions that he dragged back out of me as far down in my mind and soul as I can. Even after basically proposing, when it comes down to it, Wedding Boy just doesn't seem to really want to ever change his life or prioriities to accomodate something that yes, would be be a leap of faith, but also could open the door for something potentially amazing.

There is a saying that goes something like, people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and right now God has me questioning which one of those options Wedding Boy will eventually fall under for me. But as I have said many times before, these questions and uncertantiies are what makes life so beautiful and exciting and I just have to keep faith in God and his plans for me.

Cheers; to the Journey, to the blessing of life , and to amazing things in store for all our futures!