Is this all worth it?

If you know me very well, you know one thing about me is that I am very trusting… probably too trusting. But after being lied to and mistreated so many times how am I ever supposed to trust anyone?! The world had proved to me to be full of Crap!

I’m a blunt person. I believe honesty is always the best policy. I hate liars and am totally against lying. Yet, somehow I have managed to surround myself by men that like to lie to me.

Just two weeks ago a guy from out of town that has been a good friend and pursing a real date with me calls me while at work and asks me out for the weekend. I unfortunately already had plans but promised the first chance to make it work, we would…. 4 days later he shows up in Nashville in the middle of the week (a day I have absolutely no plans), doesn’t tell me he is coming and when I randomly bump into him he tells me he was avoiding me because he was going out with another girl in Nashville…. (really!?)

Guys that send you late night texts or call you tipsy to confess their love to only be told the next day that the only reason they call me is when they get drunk is because they are lonely and they know I will answer the phone. Nice…..

Wedding boy… quickly became one of my closest friends. We had so much in common, could talk for hours, I was extremely attracted to him and felt the feeling was mutual….. a relationship with such potential with the exception of the distance… At least that is what he told me. A month and a half in, he decided to turn into Mister Hot and Cold….. Three weeks in a row he woo’ed me with making plans with me and every time something magically came up the day we were supposed to get together. One night I finally called him out on his actions and how I didn’t think it was fair to me, and somehow he managed to guilt me into thinking all of this was my fault and hung up on me.…. He dropped me like it was hot with no explanation for basically two months until I got a call him apologizing for his behavior and the actual problem the whole time was he was still hung up on his Ex. Why couldn’t he have just told me that and saved me all that grief and emotions!?

My favorite has been the last guy I hung out with…. I clearly am a bit skeptical about men and apparently it was pretty apparent. He loaded me down day after day with how great of a catch I am. That he was different and he was going to treat me the way I deserved, and for the small time we were involved he did. He would run around to open my car door. He pulled my chair out at the table. We were talking about planning a trip in the next couple weeks. He held my hand frequently. He gave me amazing hugs. He whispered to me in public how beautiful I was. Instead of going to the movies like we planned we ended up talking for hours, and both of us sat there saying how comfortable and amazing we feel with each other. Even after such a short time he said he could imagine spending the rest of his life with me and how much he wanted to introduce me to his family. I thought I had struck gold. Not only had I found this man that treated me so amazing but I liked him so much back in return…. (Which as we know sometimes I never like the guys that seem to like me. ) but then reality struck… even after our amazing dates and conversations something must have gone wrong because I haven’t heard from him….. Words can’t express how heart wrenching for me this has been for me over the last few days to go from being on cloud nine to be brought down lower than you feel you have been in a very long time.

What I really want to do is call him and be like how could you do this to me!? You promised me you were different. How could you just literally fall off the face of the planet and do the things you were so disgusted by that other men had done to me? But I called and got no response. I texted and all I got was, I’m busy-will text you later texts….I’m not this pathetic girl. I am not going to chase after a boy like this. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me…

Maybe I just care too much. Maybe I just take things to the heart too quickly. Clearly I must be doing something wrong to keep getting hurt over and over again by men. Now I am consumed with the baggage of extreme fears of getting hurt. How can I ever trust anyone when my heart has been played like a fiddle so many times? My strings are getting so worn out and tired. When will I find someone that wont just screw me over…. And at the end of the day I wonder, is all this hurt and pain worth it?

Bachelorette Par-Tay!

Just got back from my second bachelorette party for the year. This time was Fort Walton Beach, Florida. It was sooo much fun. 8 girls, pent house of a beach resort, 85 degree weather and not a cloud in the sky. So what do women do at the beach for a bachelorette party besides lay out, drink, and go out.... they take pole dancing classes!!!!

Friday night we hit up a place called Tabu where we were greeted with refreshments, a pair of stripper tall shoes and a room full of poles for our pole dancing pleasure! Can we say pole dancing is hard!? I have a new found respect for strippers. I have never been to a stripe club but holy moly it takes some mighty strength to pull off those skills!

We all had a blast and left the studio covered in bruises, sore muscles and big smiles. Def a very fun bachelorette party activity that I think any young lady should try for a good work out and a fun time!

Me in terms of l.o.v.e....

When trying to find love I think it is important to understand not only what you want in someone but also what you offer... Thinking in those terms it has got me thinking and I have put into words my thought....

I am highly interdependent in relationships. I desire a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. I am attracted quickly to someone who I can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for me to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on my family and friends. All of this does not mean that I don’t need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, I draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. I like to know about virtually all aspects of my partner’s life. Thus, when I feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who I am on the inside and outside.

I am clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy and long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. I also tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing my partner returns my feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering myself to a partner. In fact, I probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between me and a partner. Likewise, I want to regard a partner as my best friend and my foremost confidant. I want no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. I try to have realistic expectations for a committed relationship, however, I always tend to find myself wondering whether my partner’s feelings are equally as strong as mine. Somehow I always find myself taking risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels.

I believe I have a good level of self-esteem, sense of self, a sense of accomplishment and high self-efficacy (self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation). I am acutely aware – but accepting – of my strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, I feel that people who are important in my life understand me and I want them too. Family is extremely important to me, but I tend to have my own well-defined ambitions. I have a strong sense of control over my life and are decisive in managing it.

I believe I have a good foundation and am ready and willing to find a committed relationship. I do not have financial or legal baggage and have minimal emotional, health or family issues. I am not seeing a seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in my life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed me. Rather, I strive for a balance in my life and that now includes wanting to offer everything I can to a partner.

I believe I am an effective communicator with the necessary foundation for strong emotional intelligence. I enjoy learning opportunities and most challenges and I am not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. While I don’t always enjoy showing this level of vulnerability to others, it makes me sensitive to and accepting of other people’s expressions of vulnerability. For example, I can likely sense when someone feels troubled before being told. However, my sensitivity has limits. I am not necessarily comfortable or patient with all expressions of emotion and I am not keenly aware of all of the types of nonverbal signs that people send out or always cognizant of how my behavior impacts others.

I am very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that I settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. I do not try to avoid conflict; instead I evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage others to work on a positive outcome for the relationship.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic with a touch of realist, meaning I value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for me a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. I desire someone who is on the same wavelength as me –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize my partner constantly.

There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. To me actions speak louder than words and I enjoy affection through actions or tangible things.


Bottom line: I need someone who responds to the fact that I enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that we do not lose our identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of my loyalty and affection. I need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as I do. I need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like me, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person. I need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled. I need someone who seeks to understand me, thereby accepting an equal share of responsibility in maintaining open and honest communication in the relationship. I need someone who will join me in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements. I need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in me but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels. I need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show he remembers and celebrates special occasion.

Cupcake Obssession... Apparently

So it's no secret I have been cast under the delish spell of cupcakes. Added a few more new ones to my creations after searching the many food blogs for their newest creations.

First and by far the best one created to this date was the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcake. Please follow the hyperlink.... Trust me, you wont regret it! Def a crowd pleaser! But I used a white butter cupcake, filled with cookie dough, topped with the most rediculously insanely delicious cookie dough butter cream icing. It literally tastes like a fluffier version of cookie dough. Then I topped them with these teeny little chocolate chip cookies.


Another creation I made was another very note worthy cupcake. Snickers cupcakes! They were chocolate cupcakes filled with homemade caramel and snicker chunks, topped with caramel butter cream, caramel drizzle and additional snicker's chunks. Totally amazing but SUPER rich!



I just purchased a whole book dedicated to the best cupcake recipes too. It has 150 of the best looking cupcakes ever! I already have a ton a want to try. Don't you worry, I'll share!!!! well the recipes at least! :)

Steeplechase!!!

School ends and I let the fun times begin!!!! I love the Oaks, Derby, Steeplechase that kind of thing where horses race, preppy clothes and big hats are involved! (and betting too but of course TN doesnt allow that. BOO!) My sister and I usually make a trip to the derby every year with a baby to think about and also the fact I had to work the weekend I had to miss out. So I only got Steeplechase this year. (One day i will hit up Keeneland too. It's on my life to do list for one day! hopefully sooner rather than later! :o) )

But Of course we had a blast...bit hats, feastive dresses and this year rain coats and boots! Rained all day, was actually pretty chilly, but us Nashvillians never let that hold us back!

I'm a Godmother!!!

It's official. I am the Godmother to the cutest baby alive!

Carter was baptized April 30, 2011

Here are the lucky parents and the Godparents. Nick chose one of his brother's, Chris, as the Godfather. Is it ironic Carter's God parents are Christy and Chris?... Just saying. LOL