The Power

Wow, did you know that I have 148 blog posts? Well maybe not 148 that you can read because I have about 15 or so saved drafts of posts titled, "Carebear Stare", or "Dipping the pen in Co Ink" or "Letter's to Juiliet".... I wish i had finished writing them, but its funny even though these drafts are pretty much bare I know exactly what each and everyone of them is referring to, even if it was back in 2009. I can't believe I have been writing a blog since the summer of 2009 (well for most of that time)! Crazy how time flies.

Anyways, back on track. The reason I was looking back through my posts was because I could have sworn I had written a post about one of my wacky theories I refer to as "the power". Now if you are a good friend of mine and more so I guess in college you have undoubtedly heard me refer to the power. The power is key.

There comes a time in every relationship, whether it is a friendship or more, when someone has "the power". It kinda prefaces the whole concept of the Rules which I know I have blogged about before but basically to have the power you have to have someone being vulnerable for you, not vis versa.

For instance you send a friend a text message and she forgets to respond and after about 24 hours you question... Is so and so mad at me? Are they ignoring me? So you text or you call her again. You run through every scenario in your head of what in the world could be wrong. Was it because I said this or because she had a car wreck and her phone has been demolished.... Your mind is consumed by the "what if" in the situation. If and when this has happened...YOU HAVE LOST THE POWER. Not that this is bad in a friendship because it just shows you care about the health of your relationship but clearly it is never good to fall victim to someone at the expense of your stress and emotions and it also brings up a bit of insecurity there.

Now this is even more tricky when it comes to the dating world because at this point both people in the relationship are still deciding whether or not the other is a whack job or not. You don't want to seem too advantageous or needy but you want to still seem interested. But all this gets so confusing in a day in age when (my life is ruled by insecurity) technology and instantaneous information is our way of life. I send an email, text or photo message to someone I generally expect a timely response. If I leave a voicemail I know it isn't on some answering machine but it is in their phone in their pocket waiting to be listened to at any moment.

There comes a cross road when you (well hopefully not you, but generally always for me if I actually start liking the guy) realize you have lost the power with someone in a relationship. When you start catching yourself waiting for their call or text. You look at your phone, Facebook, or email every fifteen minutes for an update. The hard part is you might not realize you are spinning out of control, inch by inch loosing the power, until too much damaged has been done. Maybe it is midway through your second (or tenth) voicemail or text when you realize you are way more concerned about the other person than the other is clearly concerned about you. Once this epiphany comes over you this is your cue to step back.

Maybe put your guard up a bit. Prepare yourself for not getting the call back. And vow to yourself to not do the chasing, let the chasing be done to you because if anything the rules has taught me, if someone likes you they will come get you.

So the rules I am going to make up for this very instance:
1) In case of a one sided text (aka one that doesn't require a response). Read it, enjoy the fact you got the text and move on. If the text does not require anymore of your attention don't let it. Don't think about it. Move on. If they want to talk to you more they will send another text.
2) Don't call him. If he calls, feel out the situation and make sure you are the one that ends the convo. Period.
3) Do not use Facebook as a middle man. Do not look at his page for updates, and do not post status' just because you think he will read them.
4) Once you realize that you have lost control, do not bring him up in conversation. Not with your mother, not with your best friend, not with a co-worker. If asked about him, just change the subject. There is no need to give him more thought than necessary. If he isn't thinking about you, why should you think about him. Regain power of your brain and your relationship!
5) It isn't a question of if but when you will slip up. When you catch yourself slipping restate to yourself "Must regain Power" and/or "I am worth the chase (even if i acted like a stalker two days ago)".
6) As much as we like to say we don't believe in games, bull shit. Our minds are naturally competitive. No matter how much we like to pretend we like things to be honest and simple, for some reason everything turns out complicated. So you might bring on your A game and make him work for it. Men love to feel like they've "won".