Sometimes life throws us interesting curve balls. Doors open, doors close.... life happens in between and we are here to make a world out of it. It really is amazing to me how we live within a series of events and cause and effects. You may be questioning what I am getting at but I promise I will unravel the details but a little insight: Tonights topic of choice is going to be, I guess for lack of a better word, love or I guess just the quest of it.
Chain reaction in play:. I went to a wedding. At that wedding I met a boy. Even though the boy lived far from me, he followed up. Then he came to visit. I realized he was amazing.
Sounds soo simple written out. And actually it is really simple. Two people were attracted to each other, and decided to get to know each other better. But then emotions and the real world make it complicated (well let's be honest, probably only in my head they get complicated).
I don't guess you could say I "hit it off" with a lot of people. I wont say i have been unlucky in love because honestly I haven't but I haven't been lucky enough yet to find the one that sweeps me off my feet and says they can't live their life without me yet. I have had my heart broken into thousand pieces after a 5 year relationship. I was crushed when the first guy I liked in Nashville dropped me like it was hot. I put up with a jerk for a whole year because for some reason I was massively infatuated with him. And since then I have dated pretty much every type of man, confessed my crazy (un-reciprocated) thoughts to a guy friend , and have learned so much about myself, what I want in someone else, and everything in between in the process.
(Tonight's Valentine's Day so I will contribute 75% of all these crazy love thoughts due to the mere fact its a holiday that makes a girl fully aware of her current situation.)
But I think i caught a glimpse of what everyone talks about. What "hitting it off" feels like. And I must say it's amazing. It makes me realize what I am holding out for. Why I'm not going to settle. Why none of the people in the past have worked out. Now I wont get ahead of myself here. Wedding boy may just be a boy I spent an amazing weekend with but yesterday when he left I felt happiness I haven't felt in a VERY long time. I felt hope. I felt lucky to have gotten the chance to have such a great weekend with someone. After years of unreciprocated love, bad dates, and jerks I realized that maybe I could find love again. That a great guy can actually like me. That I deserve a guy that will treat me amazing.
BUT I wont deny at the same time, I'm kind of sad. I'm sad because he lives far away. I'm sad because its like someone giving me a sample without the option of buying. I'm sad because I don't know if I will ever actually see him again. I'm sad because even if we both admit we like each other the chances or us giving a relationship a fair shot (if he would even consider it) will be very difficult. It makes me frustrated with curve balls in life because now there is this person that I just happenstance met that will now leave a mark on me. Dealing with all the "wrong men" has given me such an appreciation for the good ones, and when you find someone amazing it's hard not to try to hold on.
I have NO idea what lies in store for wedding boy and me... and honestly not knowing excites me. The unknown is the beauty of life because only time will tell and decide what other curve balls it will throw in my life path. On one note, where there is a will there is a way, and the on another note, (And while the word love is clearly a bit strong for this instance) Isn't it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?
I'm going to end with a quote I ironically came across this morning.
"If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If i didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will."
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