Me in terms of l.o.v.e....

When trying to find love I think it is important to understand not only what you want in someone but also what you offer... Thinking in those terms it has got me thinking and I have put into words my thought....

I am highly interdependent in relationships. I desire a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. I am attracted quickly to someone who I can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for me to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on my family and friends. All of this does not mean that I don’t need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, I draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. I like to know about virtually all aspects of my partner’s life. Thus, when I feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who I am on the inside and outside.

I am clearly comfortable with giving and receiving emotional intimacy and long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. I also tend to be open with a partner in return. That openness includes lessons learned from past experiences and relationships, extending trust, believing my partner returns my feelings and devotion and being generally comfortable with surrendering myself to a partner. In fact, I probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets between me and a partner. Likewise, I want to regard a partner as my best friend and my foremost confidant. I want no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. I try to have realistic expectations for a committed relationship, however, I always tend to find myself wondering whether my partner’s feelings are equally as strong as mine. Somehow I always find myself taking risks associated with being vulnerable on many levels.

I believe I have a good level of self-esteem, sense of self, a sense of accomplishment and high self-efficacy (self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation). I am acutely aware – but accepting – of my strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, I feel that people who are important in my life understand me and I want them too. Family is extremely important to me, but I tend to have my own well-defined ambitions. I have a strong sense of control over my life and are decisive in managing it.

I believe I have a good foundation and am ready and willing to find a committed relationship. I do not have financial or legal baggage and have minimal emotional, health or family issues. I am not seeing a seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in my life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed me. Rather, I strive for a balance in my life and that now includes wanting to offer everything I can to a partner.

I believe I am an effective communicator with the necessary foundation for strong emotional intelligence. I enjoy learning opportunities and most challenges and I am not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. While I don’t always enjoy showing this level of vulnerability to others, it makes me sensitive to and accepting of other people’s expressions of vulnerability. For example, I can likely sense when someone feels troubled before being told. However, my sensitivity has limits. I am not necessarily comfortable or patient with all expressions of emotion and I am not keenly aware of all of the types of nonverbal signs that people send out or always cognizant of how my behavior impacts others.

I am very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that I settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. I do not try to avoid conflict; instead I evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage others to work on a positive outcome for the relationship.

I consider myself a hopeless romantic with a touch of realist, meaning I value the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love, but for me a relationship must have a strong dose of Romantic Love. I desire someone who is on the same wavelength as me –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. This attitude of “love conquers all” is optimistic and sweet, but it is not productive to remain in a “love daze” and idealize my partner constantly.

There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. To me actions speak louder than words and I enjoy affection through actions or tangible things.


Bottom line: I need someone who responds to the fact that I enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that we do not lose our identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of my loyalty and affection. I need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as I do. I need a partner who has a good degree of energy, enthusiasm and self-efficacy like me, as opposed to a partner who needs constant nurturance and reassurance to feel empowered and valued as person. I need someone who wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled. I need someone who seeks to understand me, thereby accepting an equal share of responsibility in maintaining open and honest communication in the relationship. I need someone who will join me in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements. I need someone who satisfies the hopeless romantic in me but who will insist that you take time to get to know each other well before the taking the relationship to next levels. I need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show he remembers and celebrates special occasion.

Cupcake Obssession... Apparently

So it's no secret I have been cast under the delish spell of cupcakes. Added a few more new ones to my creations after searching the many food blogs for their newest creations.

First and by far the best one created to this date was the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cupcake. Please follow the hyperlink.... Trust me, you wont regret it! Def a crowd pleaser! But I used a white butter cupcake, filled with cookie dough, topped with the most rediculously insanely delicious cookie dough butter cream icing. It literally tastes like a fluffier version of cookie dough. Then I topped them with these teeny little chocolate chip cookies.


Another creation I made was another very note worthy cupcake. Snickers cupcakes! They were chocolate cupcakes filled with homemade caramel and snicker chunks, topped with caramel butter cream, caramel drizzle and additional snicker's chunks. Totally amazing but SUPER rich!



I just purchased a whole book dedicated to the best cupcake recipes too. It has 150 of the best looking cupcakes ever! I already have a ton a want to try. Don't you worry, I'll share!!!! well the recipes at least! :)

Steeplechase!!!

School ends and I let the fun times begin!!!! I love the Oaks, Derby, Steeplechase that kind of thing where horses race, preppy clothes and big hats are involved! (and betting too but of course TN doesnt allow that. BOO!) My sister and I usually make a trip to the derby every year with a baby to think about and also the fact I had to work the weekend I had to miss out. So I only got Steeplechase this year. (One day i will hit up Keeneland too. It's on my life to do list for one day! hopefully sooner rather than later! :o) )

But Of course we had a blast...bit hats, feastive dresses and this year rain coats and boots! Rained all day, was actually pretty chilly, but us Nashvillians never let that hold us back!

I'm a Godmother!!!

It's official. I am the Godmother to the cutest baby alive!

Carter was baptized April 30, 2011

Here are the lucky parents and the Godparents. Nick chose one of his brother's, Chris, as the Godfather. Is it ironic Carter's God parents are Christy and Chris?... Just saying. LOL

San Fran!

So it has officially been forever. I apologize. If any of you know me you probably haven't really seen me around in a while. Between work, school, traveling and what not I literally don't have a life anymore. Class ends on May the 4th and words can't express my joy and excitement on having the summer off.

Girls trip in April. My friend Beth and I took a long weekend out to San Francisco and to Napa Valley. Can we say amazing. We stayed in a small town called Calistoga at the Calistoga Inn. It was totally precious. It was like we were transported back to the 1940's. You push open the screen door to this really old building into a check in area, you lug your bags up the stairs to these little rooms with one outlet and one mirror and a teeny sink. There is a restaurant and bar underneath and the town is just what you would picture in the movies of the most quaint and cute main street lined with restaurants and shops. I think it is safe to say that Beth and I made our mark on Calistoga.

It's no secret that I love me some wine. So another reason why this part of the world is right up my alley. Beth and I rented bikes one day to do a tour of Napa Valley and to do wine tastings. The weather was perfect, the temperature was just right, and we didn't have to worry with any silly DUI's LOL (wait can you get a DUI on a bicycle?)

Muir Woods may have been my favorite part of the trip. Those trees don't even seem real. At one point in complete awe i know i said outloud "Is this real life!?" I just can't explain the enormity of these giant trees. It was awesome.

We also did the tour of Alcatraz. We took a boat over, had a great audio tour and I was completely intrigued by it all.

We also stayed downtown in San Francisco. We stayed in another very cute hotel. Hotel De Artes. It was a hotel and art museum. Our our hotel room was covered in this amazing super colorful mural. I wish my bedroom at home looked like that. But the whole area was just gorgeous. I would definitely like to go back.

Already looking forward to my next vacation. Florida in may!!!! :)

Christy's Kitchen overload!

I decided I like to bake when A) I have a lot on my mind and B) When I need an instant pick me up. Clearly over the last months I have had a lot on my mind so in my spare time I have been cooking up a storm. Rarely do I bake anything for myself. Either I come across a recipe I want to try, a utensil I want to use, or there is a special occasion at work that give me a good excuse to try my cooking skills out on my co-workers. So here are my latest creations:



A conglamerate of several recipes: Carrot cake cupcakes with a cheesecake filling, topped with creamcheese icing. A-mazing! Def a major crowd pleaser!

Brown Eyed Bakers (one of my new fave food blogs) Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream icing. Very tasty! I also filled these with the chocolate buttercream icing. I think if i did it over i would put a chocolate ganache in it instead.

Also, another Brown Eyed Baker's receipes: Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Bars. I have rave reviews by co-workers. I think anything with the chocolate peanut butter combo is a winner. Plus these were REALLY easy to make!

Martha Stewart's Strawberry Cupcakes with Strawberry Meringue Buttercream Icing. These were good but I think the icing was too intense to be filled in the middle. Second go around, just the cupcake and the icing on the top. A girl friend and I made these and honeslty I thought they looked just as good as the $3.50 per cupcakes we could have bought.

Last but not least, Sugar cookies with royal icing. Who doesn't love a good ole' sugar cookie? This was my first experience working with and decorating with royal icing and it was alot of fun, but sooo time consuming. My sister and I made these and she actually had the idea to use bottles (like a ketchup or mustard bottle) to decorate with. I must say way less messy!

"Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be."

So I guess it is just that time of year for me to have a car wreck since it was just over a year ago I had my first official wreck.
This time the wreck was my fault though. I always pictured my first wreck (I caused) would either involve texting, playing with my navigation system, putting on make up, or who knows what else that may have grabbed the attention of my A-D-D but this time I have no excuse. I just didn’t turn sharp enough and rammed a poor innocent woman in the turn lane going the other direction.

Monday may rank as my worst day for March (so I am glad to have it out of the way since there is still a few weeks left to the month. Lol). I had worked the weekend and had been stressed about high water and everything involved with working 12 days straight. It was Monday in general. Wedding boy had recently canceled on meeting up the upcoming weekend and canceled on any possibility for the following weekend as well and I had 8 lamps in my car. I was actually headed to take 2 of them back when I rammed the car, so needless to say I had 1001 things on my mind noon on Monday.

If you know me, hearing that I had an emotional breakdown about this time probably wont come as a shock. Firstly, the wreck just scared me in general. I was very lucky as to the fact that no one was hurt…. Even my 8 lamps survived the hit! Our cars were both still driveable and I hit the nicest woman alive!

Kinda ironic that I was the one that hit her but I was the one experiencing the melt down. I was slightly hyperventilating (sorry folks if you have experienced me crying before, it’s one HOT MESS!), talking about ten million words a minute and pretty sure my whole body was trembling. The woman, Lori, I hit just hugged me. And proceeded to give me this inspirational monologue.

She told me things happen. Keep in mind that neither of us were hurt and that maybe God wanted to give me a wake up call to slow down in life and learn to appreciate it more instead of loading down my plate and going 1000 mph. She recommended for me to learn to slow down and also mentioned if I was interested in reading, to read some books by Eckhart Tolle.

Eckhart Tolle is actually the author of two pretty famous book. The Power of Now and The New Earth. I have actually read A New Earth. And I must say it can completely revolutionize your thoughts on living life if you accept it. The website for Eckhart says it best, the books “provoke thought, insight, and smiling reverence for all beings and each moment.” Now I just need to get on the band wagon for reading The Power of Now, because after doing a bit of research it has really envoiked a lot of thought for me. With my life being so busy and my plate being so full I really do need to focus on enjoying every moment given to me. I am passing it forward as “Lori” did to me and recommend reading these book or at least embracing the present moment.
A couple quotes that stand out to me that I need to keep in mind are:
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it."
— Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose)


"Life isn't as serious as the mind makes it out to be."
— Eckhart Tolle


"Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it."
— Eckhart Tolle

"Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is."
— Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment)

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness."
— Eckhart Tolle

"Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of
ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her. The bond that connects you with that person is the same bond that connects you with the person sitting next to you on a bus, or with a bird, a tree, a flower. Only the degree of intensity with which it is felt differs."
— Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment)

"Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you."
— Eckhart Tolle

Project Home Improvement

So I have a 10 day break from class and I suddenly don't know what in the world to do with my free time. It's kinda ironic. The whole time during my first class I couldn't wait to just do whatever I wanted, but somewhere in there it is like I have forgotten how to do that. So this week I have over thought work, boys, and re-instated my project home improvement. I bought 8 lamps within two days! 8 lamps (like i said I don't know how to deal with the free time! haha) and the sad part is I still am not satisfied with any of my gagillion lamps!

But I started small with my projects this week. Hung some things on the wall, bought new place settings for my dining room. My lamp extravaganza. Decoring my new exitway piece of furniture, and busting out my new power drill and hanging some stemware holders. Here are some pictures to share:

The Power

Wow, did you know that I have 148 blog posts? Well maybe not 148 that you can read because I have about 15 or so saved drafts of posts titled, "Carebear Stare", or "Dipping the pen in Co Ink" or "Letter's to Juiliet".... I wish i had finished writing them, but its funny even though these drafts are pretty much bare I know exactly what each and everyone of them is referring to, even if it was back in 2009. I can't believe I have been writing a blog since the summer of 2009 (well for most of that time)! Crazy how time flies.

Anyways, back on track. The reason I was looking back through my posts was because I could have sworn I had written a post about one of my wacky theories I refer to as "the power". Now if you are a good friend of mine and more so I guess in college you have undoubtedly heard me refer to the power. The power is key.

There comes a time in every relationship, whether it is a friendship or more, when someone has "the power". It kinda prefaces the whole concept of the Rules which I know I have blogged about before but basically to have the power you have to have someone being vulnerable for you, not vis versa.

For instance you send a friend a text message and she forgets to respond and after about 24 hours you question... Is so and so mad at me? Are they ignoring me? So you text or you call her again. You run through every scenario in your head of what in the world could be wrong. Was it because I said this or because she had a car wreck and her phone has been demolished.... Your mind is consumed by the "what if" in the situation. If and when this has happened...YOU HAVE LOST THE POWER. Not that this is bad in a friendship because it just shows you care about the health of your relationship but clearly it is never good to fall victim to someone at the expense of your stress and emotions and it also brings up a bit of insecurity there.

Now this is even more tricky when it comes to the dating world because at this point both people in the relationship are still deciding whether or not the other is a whack job or not. You don't want to seem too advantageous or needy but you want to still seem interested. But all this gets so confusing in a day in age when (my life is ruled by insecurity) technology and instantaneous information is our way of life. I send an email, text or photo message to someone I generally expect a timely response. If I leave a voicemail I know it isn't on some answering machine but it is in their phone in their pocket waiting to be listened to at any moment.

There comes a cross road when you (well hopefully not you, but generally always for me if I actually start liking the guy) realize you have lost the power with someone in a relationship. When you start catching yourself waiting for their call or text. You look at your phone, Facebook, or email every fifteen minutes for an update. The hard part is you might not realize you are spinning out of control, inch by inch loosing the power, until too much damaged has been done. Maybe it is midway through your second (or tenth) voicemail or text when you realize you are way more concerned about the other person than the other is clearly concerned about you. Once this epiphany comes over you this is your cue to step back.

Maybe put your guard up a bit. Prepare yourself for not getting the call back. And vow to yourself to not do the chasing, let the chasing be done to you because if anything the rules has taught me, if someone likes you they will come get you.

So the rules I am going to make up for this very instance:
1) In case of a one sided text (aka one that doesn't require a response). Read it, enjoy the fact you got the text and move on. If the text does not require anymore of your attention don't let it. Don't think about it. Move on. If they want to talk to you more they will send another text.
2) Don't call him. If he calls, feel out the situation and make sure you are the one that ends the convo. Period.
3) Do not use Facebook as a middle man. Do not look at his page for updates, and do not post status' just because you think he will read them.
4) Once you realize that you have lost control, do not bring him up in conversation. Not with your mother, not with your best friend, not with a co-worker. If asked about him, just change the subject. There is no need to give him more thought than necessary. If he isn't thinking about you, why should you think about him. Regain power of your brain and your relationship!
5) It isn't a question of if but when you will slip up. When you catch yourself slipping restate to yourself "Must regain Power" and/or "I am worth the chase (even if i acted like a stalker two days ago)".
6) As much as we like to say we don't believe in games, bull shit. Our minds are naturally competitive. No matter how much we like to pretend we like things to be honest and simple, for some reason everything turns out complicated. So you might bring on your A game and make him work for it. Men love to feel like they've "won".

Yes, man!

So news on the horizon. I got an A on my first MBA class. Can I get a woot woot? Start my next class in less than an week and even before the first class I already have a ba-jillion reading assignments. Go figure right?

And other things on the horizon... I may visit wedding boy next weekend. This is still TBD. I am sure you all will read all about it if it comes to pass.

Also, getting amped up on the upcoming spring and gardening season. Expect bigger and better news about that!

And the last exciting news I can think of, I joined the stock market. I have in the past taken on the whole "live in the moment" concept in my life. It is so easy for me to get side tracked from this whole idea so I have kinda modified it to be more of "take risks in life" kinda motto.

I don't want to get to the end of the year and think what did I do with this year and say just work and school. I want to say that I have lived, that I have taken risks, that I've loved or attempted to, that I gave life a chance instead of shoving it into silos of "after grad school" or "when I have more free time".

So I got to thinking: Let's make life fun, what risks am I going to make today?
1) Even though I don't have a ton of funds I decided to say yes to a trip to Napa Valley in April
2) Even though this boy and this whole situation scares me, I totally put my pride on the line and was completely vulnerable to rejection when i asked if i could go visit wedding boy
3) I put $500 into the stock market
4) Planning a trip to South Carolina, Germany, and hopefully also Vegas this year (plus already made a trip to Opelika, AL and Nola this year so far!)
5)Bought my second piece of furniture from a store, brand new. Besides my cheap couch, I have only bought used furniture or passed down furniture.

And while I hope this list is just the beginning, I encourage you to have more of a "yes man" attitude towards life. Say yes even though you really want to say no to someone. Go out of your way to do something. Take a chance, make a risk, and do it like a bad ass!